Sections of this topic
© Copyright Carter
McNamara, MBA, PhD
Sections of this Topic Include
We Too Often Help in the Wrong Way
Here is the Best Way
How to Help With COVID-19 Pandemic
Support Your Friends, Start Support Groups
Other Useful Library Topics
When we try to help someone in emotional pain, we often feel like we want to
immediately solve the other person’s problem, to make them feel better. We usually
feel overwhelmed because we know there is no quick fix for the other person.
We Too Often Help in the Wrong Way
When people are feeling emotional pain, they want help. But they don’t want
to feel like they are a problem that needs to be solved — that they are a person
who needs to be fixed.
Too often:
- We try to fix them. “You are simply feeling that way because …”
- We lecture them like they are children. “You simply have to …”
“You should …” - We dismiss their feelings. “It’ll be better tomorrow.” “Other
people have it worse.” “Don’t feel that way …” - We try to pacify them. “Yeah, that must be terrible. Yep. Yeah. I see.
That’s tough.” - We dismiss them altogether. We do most of the talking, so we don’t have
to listen to them.
Here is the Best Way
When a person is feeling strong emotional pain, they know deep down that there
is no quick fix to their situation. They might be feeling guilty — and inadequate
that they can’t simply solve their problem on their own. They are usually feeling
very much alone.
We can best help the person by:
- Being totally present for them.
- Listening closely to them.
- Accepting them — not judging them.
- Being compassionate and understanding.
- Helping to empower them — to take some small realistic action about their
situation, no matter how small.
Often, rather than continued advice, it’s best to do what many therapists do
instead. They respectfully and tactfully ask thoughtful questions to help the
person to explore their own thinking – their perceptions, assumptions, and conclusions.
See this
Quick
Reference for a Helpful Conversation
Also see
The
Most Powerful Way to Help Someone through Emotional Pain
5
Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
5
Action Steps for Helping Someone in Emotional Pain
How to Support People
in Emotional Pain
5
Ways To Help Someone Who Is Emotionally Suffering
5
Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
How
To Respond Compassionately To Someone’s Suffering
5
Simple Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
How
to Sit With Someone Else’s Pain
How to Help With COVID-19 Pandemic
Centers
for Disease Control Stress and Coping
Emotional
Well-Being During COVID-19 Outbreak
Mental Health and COVID-19
How
to Avoid Passing Anxiety On to Your Kids
Care for Your Coronavirus Anxiety
Tools
and Information On Anxiety
Social Support: Getting
and Staying Connected
Disaster
Stress Hotline
Quick
Reference For a Helpful Conversation
Support Your Friends, Start
Support Groups
The following website provides guidelines and free resources to share support
among a small group of friends. It also can help you to start support groups
as an ongoing service to others.
PeerSupportCircles.org
Other Useful Library Topics
Building
Trust
Communications
(Interpersonal)
Communications
(Organizational)
Communications
(Writing)
Conflict (Interpersonal)
Etiquette (Manners)
Handling
Difficult People
Diversity
and Inclusion
Negotiating
Office
Politics
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near the bottom of a post in the blog. The blog also links to
numerous free related resources.
Library’s
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Library’s
Crisis Management Blog
Library’s
Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision Blog
For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:
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